Come on, Nikki Glaser was always going to nail this.
The longtime roast queen who kicked her career into another level following her barnburner of a roast set at Netflix’s Tom Brady roast last year was a classic delight for awards show fans during her Golden Globes opening monologue on Sunday, January 5. (Check out the Globes winners list here.)
“I’m Nikki Glaser, and I am absolutely thrilled to be your host tonight,” she said onstage with a big grin. “I gotta say, I gotta say, this feels like I finally made it. You know, I’m in a room full of producers at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, and this time all of my clothes are on. It was worth it.”
Your parents may have gasped, but it was obvious Glaser was a big fan of everyone in the room and that she was genuinely excited to have this gig: Many of her jokes began and ended with her telling respective A-listers what a fan she was. “I am not here to roast you tonight. I want you to know that,” she began. “And how could I really? You’re all so famous, so talented, so powerful. I mean, you could really do anything, except tell the country who to vote for, but it’s okay. You’ll get ’em next time…if there is one… I’m scared. Ariana, hold my finger.” [Naturally the camera then flashed to Cynthia Erivo and Ariana Grande, who instantly played along with the meme of the season.] “Thank you. Thank you. Tonight, we celebrate the best of film and hold space for television.”
Some of Glaser’s other best quips from the monologue included:
– “‘Wicked.’ ‘Queer.’ ‘Nightbitch.’ These are not just words Ben Affleck yells after he orgasms,” she cracked. “These are some of the incredible movies nominated tonight. ‘The Bear,’ ‘The Penguin,’ ‘Baby Reindeer.’ These are not just things found in RFK freezer, these are TV shows nominated tonight.”
– “Oscar-winning actor Eddie Redmayne did TV this year,” Glaser said to cheers. “He’s nominated for Peacock’s ‘The Day of the Jackal.’ It’s about a top secret elite sniper that no one can find because he’s on Peacock. I think I’ve seen more actual peacocks in my life than shows on Peacock.”
– “Zendaya, you were incredible in ‘Dune.’ Oh, my God, I woke up for all of your scenes! You are so good. And ‘Challengers’ girl, oh my God, it was so good. I mean, that movie was more sexually charged than Diddy’s credit card. …I’m sorry. I’m upset too. The afterparty is not going to be as good this year, but we
have to move on.”
The comedian seemed joyful but also slightly nervous; she was obviously aware this was a huge career opportunity. Her monologue was very much a classic in the genre: A few edgy jokes for cred, but also celebratory enough that the audience in the room didn’t turn on her. (When she announced the first presenters, The Rock and Auliʻi Cravalho audibly told her onstage she nailed it.)
Glaser herself is also nominated for a 2025 Golden Globe, in the category Best Standup Special for her Max comedy hour “Someday You’ll Die,” which explored her suicidal thoughts as well as her desire not to have children — a decision that put her on the outs with her friend group.
Back in August 2024, Glaser spoke to IndieWire about her special and her massive year — thanks to her Brady roast set, which is basically how she got this Globes gig.
“I don’t know if I’ll ever have a moment in my career like that again, and I’m totally OK if I don’t, because I felt it once and that was enough,” she explained to IW. “I never set out to go, ‘What’s funny? What are people gonna like?’ It was really about, ‘What am I disturbed by?”
Glaser wound up not winning her category (Ali Wong took it), but ending her monologue with a crack at George Clooney and Co. — that earned laughs and applause in the room — well, it’s safe to say the comedian’s still having a great night.
“Before we start handing out awards, I do want to remind you, if you do lose tonight, please just keep in mind that the point of making art is not to win an award,” Glaser said. “The point of making art is to start a tequila brand so popular that you never have to make art again.”
The 2025 Golden Globes aired on CBS January 5.
Dick Clark Productions, which owns and produces the Golden Globes, is a Penske Media company. PMC is also IndieWire’s parent company.
