To prevent the villainous pig monster Malgosha (Rachel House) from leaving the Nether and invading the Overworld, Steve hides a MacGuffin called the Orb of Dominance in the real world. There it comes into the possession of Garrett “The Garbage Man” Garrison (Jason Momoa), a swaggering man-child whose inability to move on from his past life as an arcade champion has left him with a failing retro game store.
Into the store comes pre-teen Henry (Sebastian Hansen), who has moved to town with his caretaker, older sister Natalie (Emma Myers of Wednesday), after the death of their parents. Henry finds the Orb, which guides him—along with Garrett, Natalie, and realtor Dawn (Danielle Brooks)—into the Overworld.
What follows is a series of set pieces designed to present the minutiae of the world in exacerbating detail, thus thrilling viewers who recognize this stuff from the games. However, the absolute lack of care about everything else, including plot mechanics that rely heavily on formula and tropes, will undoubtedly bore everyone else—especially when they recognize that stuff from a million other movies. As a result, the movie amounts to little more than a pile-up of narrative complications and conveniences, introduced with byzantine rules. Each of these “obstacles” is then immediately resolved while remaining completely free of tension.
Steve begins the movie captured by Malgosha, but is let go when he promises to bring her the Orb, something he never does and she never expects. Late in the film, Henry gets zapped by an Enderman, a dangerous monster who, in Steve’s words, scrambles minds. But Henry literally shakes it off after 30 seconds of visions, vanquishing this most dangerous of beasts with a few sword swipes.
Adults who have never played the game feel absolutely nothing from these beats, but kids who have had their Minecraft sessions ruined by Endermen can fill in the gaps that the movie leaves. At least, that’s what filmmakers are counting on: familiarity with the game creating a tension or excitement the film never has time to be bothered with engineering.
Characters You’ve Seen Before
Ever since he warned us about the dangers of Pitfall! in a 1982 Atari commercial, Jack Black has charmed audiences with his outsized enthusiasm. His role as Steve asks him to do the same, and so he waves his hands to underscore the mystery of the flying boots and swaggers across the screen when blocks appear wherever he points. He enters each new location with a loud, “Whoa-ho!” demanding that we be just as excited.
