I am aware that there is some ambiguity over the whole “feed after midnight” rule since technically ALL time is both after and before “A” midnight but I’m going to restrict feeding times to pms up to 11pm. My mogwai will be named Gremlin as a constant reminder to all what not to do. And hey presto, a loyal, super-cute, intelligent, singing fluff ball, who can form his own murderous army in a heartbeat. What’s not to love? – Rosie Fletcher
An Invisibility Cloak from Harry Potter
Despite taking place over the entirety of seven school years, the Harry Potter books and movies are inarguably Christmas-coded. Part of that is because the eight films lend themselves to easy marathon-scheduling for cable channels come the holiday season. But an even bigger part is that Christmas at Hogwarts absolutely slaps. Perhaps no fictional character has ever received a more impressive roster of Christmas gifts than young Harry Potter. From homemade emerald green jumpers from Molly Weasley to mountains of candy from his friends to a freaking FIREBOLT broom from his godfather, Harry always makes up for lost time with the Dursleys come Christmas at Hogwarts.
If I had a chance to nick any of Harry’s gifts, the choice is obvious: the Invisibility Cloak. Handed by his father via Albus Dumbledore, Harry’s invisibility cloak isn’t just a cheap Diagon Alley knockoff made from Demiguise hair, it’s an ancient, priceless magical artifact that will keep its wearer truly hidden. Fitting my large frame under the cloak will be a bit of a challenge but it’ll be worth it. What do I need an Invisibility Cloak for? Don’t worry about it. That’s my business. Invisible business. – Alec Bojalad
David Bowie’s Scarf from The Snowman
My first instinct says the Catalogue House from the 1994 Miracle on 34th Street remake. That five-bed, six-bath, double-fronted delight within a NYC cab ride of Manhattan was listed for $3.4 million a decade ago – imagine what it’s worth now. Pedantry, though, reminds me that because little Susan Walker’s mother and new stepfather have to buy the place after Susan asks Chris Cringle to get it for her, it’s not technically a gift. Therefore I choose… David Bowie’s scarf from The Snowman. I call it David Bowie’s scarf because he recorded this special intro for the UK VHS release of the Raymond Briggs animation in which he identifies himself as the little boy from the movie. Why do I want it? Because I’d love to own anything touched by ZZZavid Bowie (up to and including Lulu), I bet it still smells of Father Christmas, and most importantly of all, it would go with my coat. – Louisa Mellor
A Wad of Cash from It’s a Wonderful Life
Look, I know that the lesson of It’s a Wonderful Life is that no man is a failure who has friends. George Bailey is the richest guy in Bedford Falls even before the good people of the town start emptying their pockets for him, precisely because he has so many people who would empty their pockets for him. But, like George, I’ve got bills to pay that are stressing me out this holiday, and it sure would be nice if a bunch of pals came by to give me money and sing some songs.
I say this in jest, but the fact that I (and probably you) can understand George’s plight is part of what makes It’s a Wonderful Life so enduring and powerful. Frank Capra and his team of writers didn’t just capture a lovely fantasy about God stopping the world to help out one good guy. They also showed how oligarchs shore up everything for themselves, a force that only a strong communal spirit could stop. I guess what I’m saying is I’d like my bills to be paid, but really all I want for Christmas this year is class consciousness. – Joe George
