If you don’t love this year’s loot, you’re not alone. Merchandise returns are expected to hit an all-time high—almost a trillion dollars’ worth—and many people already have a head start, per the advice of federal officials, who, in recent weeks, have recalled anxiety medications, dietary supplements, seventy-two thousand pounds of meat products—beef shanks, pork tongues—and sixty-two thousand eight hundred and seventy-two Kia EV6 vehicles (model years 2022-24), which have been found to randomly lose drive power. A few other items that, with luck, were recalled before they made it under your tree:
— Hallmark Keepsake Christmas-tree ornaments (product code 2199QXE3341) portraying a “Star Wars” character named Cad Bane, who wears a brown hat, has a blue face, and, according to the federal government, might be covered in mold.
— Those knockoff Yeti tumblers (24 oz., with metal straw), sold by Wawa, which reportedly cause hand and mouth lacerations.
— Temu.com’s highly flammable “I ❤️ Dad” two-piece pajama sets for kids. (“Consumers should destroy the garments,” regulators advised.) Speaking of highly flammable: the lithium-ion batteries inside some Anker power banks (models A1642, A1647, and A1652) were found to overheat, explode, catch fire, and scald your hands.
Want to tidy up before the carollers arrive? Brookstone’s TurboVac Handheld Rechargeable vacuums (model BSBVAC301) have reportedly caused a few serious fires. Do you love the glow of candlelight? Trader Joe’s mango-tangerine-scented candles (SKU: 56879) and the lavender ones sold by Cracker Barrel (U.P.C.: 197712076826) have been found to emit “high flames” and “flames reaching excessive heights,” respectively. (Minor burns have been reported.) Colsen fire pits, which use an invisible alcohol that can suddenly and randomly be propelled onto your family and friends, have caused more serious burns. “At least six incidents have involved surgery, prolonged medical treatment, admission to burn treatment facilities, short-term disability, loss of function, physical therapy, or permanent disfigurement,” regulators said.
Remember those cool, vintage-y Smeg refrigerators which you’ve seen in design magazines? The doors on some of them (in the FAB38U line) have been falling off. That Wolf Wi-Fi-enabled, sixty-inch dual-fuel range with six burners and infrared charbroiler (cost: twenty-one thousand two hundred and eighty-five dollars) which your Friend Who Never Cooks bought this summer? Its infrared griddle might ignite all by itself. And several Brooke wooden dining chairs (model W520-21), sold by Grand Rapids Chair Company, have recently broken.
Berkley Jensen-branded cedar hard-topped gazebos are picturesque and also, in four models, known to have their roofs dislodge during high winds. The 2017-21-edition Arctic Cat 9000 Series snowmobile features a turbocharged engine, QS3R Kashima-coated rear-track shocks, and a warning that its self-adjusting clutch can break into pieces, lacerating riders’ toes. Bulldog’s Magnum Biometric Pistol Vault (models BD4030B, BD4040B, and BD4055B)—“New ‘User Friendly’ Finger Print Reader Works Better W/ Moist, Dry, Dirty & Elderly Finger Prints”—can be easily opened by your husband, a nemesis, or, God forbid, your children.
Is Santa bringing a bike? You should know: the training wheels fell off of certain Co-op Cycles REV kids’ bicycles (model years 2022-24), sold by R.E.I. Other supposedly dangerous playthings include: more than a hundred Sandford Family 6-Player Croquet Sets (the coating on the red-and-blue mallets contains toxic phthalates), Yaomiao children’s silver tiaras with red rhinestones (may cause lead poisoning), a heart-shaped kids’ ring set sold by Newmemo (product code X0034COQMP; warning: cadmium poisoning possible), and the bunny-ear headbands contained in OleOleToy’s glow-in-the-dark toy set, because children might swallow the batteries (“The ingested batteries can cause serious injuries, internal chemical burns and death,” regulators said).
Be advised: the handlebars on Droyd Fury youth A.T.V.s (model XW-A01) may lacerate your kid’s head.
Did you think that some Finger-Ease Guitar String Lubricant, manufactured by Chem-Pak, Inc., would be a good stocking stuffer for your troubadour boyfriend? Guess again. The aerosol spray in one batch (model number 220B, lot code 106824) has been found to cause minor skin irritation.
If you find these products in your stocking, take caution but don’t despair. The manufacturers of almost all of them will provide repairs, replacements, or refunds. ♦
